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The First Time
Title: The First Time
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Spoilers: up to S5
Warnings: Angst, multipe character death, slash
Word Count: ~1.5k
Teaser: And while the ambulance speeds towards the nearest hospital, horns blaring, lights blinking, it is the first time an angel's too human heart stops beating.

Written for spn_30snapshots
Table: Theme 10: A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words
Prompt: #30 (a dark skinned man in a white suit playing a trumpet or something, reminding me of New Orleans)

AN: This is the Darkest (notice the capital D) thing I've ever written and I still have no idea where this one came from. Sorry. Really.
Beta'd by kodamasama , who found much more mistakes than I thought I had hidden in there - oops  O_o

It isn't the first time he gets shot - even back before Lucifer rose, when Jimmy resurfaced for a couple of hours, the man had claimed that his body had already been shot. Not to speak of the deadly wound his own possessed wife Amelia inflicted with a pistol... But it is the first time Dean sees fear in the angel's eyes when he looks at him, one hand clutched to his chest, blinking in confusion and pain.

Dean and Castiel realize at about the same time what's wrong. Sammy - as always - is faster, already dialing 911 when the angel finally sinks to his knees, and both Dean and Cas have to acknowledge that the angel's healing powers are finally gone for good.

This is the first time Castiel is afraid he will die.


Dean knows that the paramedics are coming, but it might already be too late when they finally arrive. He has to do something, so he carefully examines Cas. There is so much blood painting his white dressing shirt, just like back when Castiel was in Bible Camp and the demons tried to kill Jimmy Novak...

Dean slips a hand down Cas's back and notices the sticky mess on the coat - an exit wound. His father has drilled them both, taught Sammy and him about shot wounds and punctured lungs. Dean is no medic, but he knows of the dangers of a pneumotorax.

While Sam leaves the ramshackle building to guide the paramedics to Cas as soon as they arrive, Dean pulls the angel's ruined shirt out of his pants and puts his hand over the hole in his friend's back. The blood coating everything helps Dean to seal off both the exit and the entry wound so that no more air is being sucked into Cas's chest.

It is an awkward position, the angel half way sitting in the hunter's lap with Dean's arms slung around him, but it will do. He is not letting his friend die.

This is the first time they hug.


Cas is used to riding in the backseat of the Impala, Dean is sure. He even accompanied Bobby in his van a few times and once, oh so many months ago even rode in a Greyhound bus. But has he ever been inside an ambulance?

According to the medical babble of the paramedics, the angel has lost a lot of blood - Dean has seen it, witnessed every ounce leaving Castiel's body, pooling between the hunter's sticky fingers, soaking coat, jacket, shirt, trousers, jeans, or just dropping to the floor in a dribble - like a leaky faucet - and that image is really disturbing.

The paramedics are fussing around, throwing words at each other Dean doesn't recognize. But he doesn't have to. Their faces do enough talking on their own. They are worried, and that's even more reason for Dean to be worried about his friend. It is not the first time. Cas has been injured or out for the count previously - heck, he has even been dead at one point! No, it really isn't the first time he is worried about the angel. But he is sure it is the first time his fingers and clothes are coated in Castiel's blood. And it does not feel good.

And while the ambulance speeds towards the nearest hospital, horns blaring, lights blinking, it is the first time an angel's too human heart stops beating.


Dean thinks that surely must be the first time a demon managed to kill an angel with an ordinary hold-out pistol while he watches, detached, how the paramedics are struggling to bring back his friend. They are sending shocks of electricity to Cas's body, trying to jumpstart his heart. And just like on TV, just like in all those Dr. Sexy MD episodes, the angel's muscles lock up and he arches off the cot before the next moment succumbing to gravity again and crashing down on the gurney with a thud - just that it's less spectacular but much more nerve-wracking than on TV.

There is still no pulse, but the paramedics keep trying, torturing Cas's body with electricity, pumping him full of drugs, and while Dean prays - not for the first time in his life but for the first time in maybe years - an angel catches a glimpse of Heaven from the other side.

This is the first time an angel looks into the bright light at the end of the tunnel.


Dean knows this isn't the first time he's in love. It isn't even the first time he is sitting in a hospital worried sick because somebody's life is currently on a razor's edge, but it is the first time said person is the one he's head over heels for.

It doesn't make waiting easier. His brother is next to him, trying to stop Dean from freaking out, or breaking down, or whatever would happen if he'd picture life without Cas.

The time is slowly passing by, each second bid goodbye with a ticking sound by the huge clock on one of the white walls.

Dean can feel tears burning in his eyes. He's still fighting because he hopes Cas too is still fighting, but he knows as soon as his friend stops, he'll stop too.

And when the doctors come and Dean finally bursts into tears, succumbs to the need to mourn the passing of his beloved friend, just a few rooms away an angel's Grace morphs into something like a human soul while it leaves its vessel to ascend to the Fields of the Lord.

This is the first time an angel's soul ascends to Heaven.


It isn't the first time that Dean has lost somebody that holds a special place in his heart. Still, he suddenly feels more empty and lonely than ever before. Back when his father died, he at least still had Sam - and a lot of other things to worry about. And after being stabbed to death by Jake, Dean saw to it that his brother didn't stay that way for too long. So perhaps this really is the first time that he has lost somebody dear he cannot bring back again. Someone he misses so much his heart is threatening to burst...

They burn Castiel in the backyard of Bobby's. It is a hunter's funeral, the pile of wood dry enough that the flames soon hungrily eat away everything that is left of Castiel, the angel of the Lord.

And while Dean is crying silent tears, they bury the urn deep inside the soil, right next to where John Winchester found his final resting place.

This is the first time an angel is lain to rest.


Dean knows he is not allowed to kill himself to join Castiel; suicides  do not go to Heaven. He tries not to be too reckless - and obviously succeeds to a certain degree because they manage to trick the Devil and win the battle that way, without Dean dying.

Every time, after each hunt, Dean insists on visit Bobby's to pay Castiel's grave a visit. And after the old man finally dies, goes to sleep and just never wakes up again, they move to the scrap yard.

This is the first time that Dean tells Castiel, "I love you."


Sam knows that even after so many years have passed, he is still hurting deep inside, the wound continuing to bleed despite Dean's composed facade.

They do not stop hunting even when running gets more and more exhausting and Dean's target starts to waver. He would be restless and cranky otherwise, so Sam doesn't try to stop him. He just makes sure that there isn't more on their plate than two aging men can handle.

When Dean finally dies, he isn't nearly as old as Bobby was but still managed to outlive even Sam's expectations.

It is a cold November morning when Dean's heart stops beating. He just manages to get the two drowning children into the small boat, and then he simply goes slack. Sam gives up CPR over an hour later.

The flames burn high as if they are trying to touch the Heavens. Sam tries not to cry, tries to picture Dean on a cloud next to Cas, wearing some kind of girly toga and playing a harp.

This is the first time an angel shares his grave with a mortal being.


And when Sam drops the last bit of soil onto his brother's ashes, he realizes that now he is truly alone. From that point on, not even the image of Dean in a white dress with fake golden locks and wings manages to lighten his mood.

Years later Sam finally dies, and it is the first time a Winchester dies alone.

  • 1
*wibble wibblewibble* Nearly made me cry. :'( So sad (especially the very last line), but gorgeously written.

I wasn't sure if I should edit out the last line - glad it worked for you that way :)

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Sorry *hands you a hanky*

In a lovely, broken, fantastic way. <3

Okay, I need to go find something happy. That was amazingly moving.

nonononononononnono - *never* apologize for writing a story that moving, that affecting!

Christ almighty.that was so sad!

Probably the most angsty thing I've ever written in english...

This is beautiful. Depressing as hell, but beautiful.

Ah, this turned out really well! I still got a little teary eyed reading it the second time around.

I think I have to write something fluffy now...

This was sad but really gorgeous

It was a very depressing thing to write, too. I'm normally more the fluffy kind of type.

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Yeah *sighs* I hope that, too

*Sob* So sad! Poor Dean

Poor Dean, poor Cas, poor Sam ;(
I hope whenever SPN ends, it does NOT end anywhere like that.

omg, wow. I told myself i wouldnt cry, but i couldnt help it. The last two paragraphs did it for me. "its the first time a winchester dies alone" :'(

I wasn't sure if I should edit out the last line - I'm glad it worked for you. I figured if Dean, Bobby and Cas are gone, Sam truly is alone :(

No way keep the last line. Its so stromg and ties the story's meaning together

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I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

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